I was born for this charge of remembering how to midwife souls from womb side to earthside. I believe this fact of my life with every fiber of my being. I doubted it before but never again will I think I was not meant to be where I am now. The midwifery program I am currently studying in is all about learning on your feet and with your hands. I have always known that I learn best by experience. A week or so ago my cohort moved into the 2nd phase of our journey: going from shadowing midwife interns to being primary midwives under the supervision of licensed midwives.
I was the last of my cohort to catch. In the wee hours of this morning, I had the honor of catching, quite literally, the first of many small, resilient and vibrant beings on this journey. There was no time to think, only do. I leaped from my seat, bolted to the woman and was there to receive a baby who came into the world with such force and velocity. My hands were guided and supported by the gentle voice of the licensed midwife with me.
Indulge me for a moment while I switch over to my urban vernacular. It was dope and cool as hell to do that, b. Holy cow homies! That ish was crazy!
It is incredible, really. The energy changes in the room. Suddenly there is a new human being in the room, and there I was, one of the first to touch their body and spirit. I did it by instinct. I felt my ancestors come through me as I both participated and watched my hands maneuver and do what they were meant to do. I knew at that moment that this is exactly what I was meant to do: to witness in awe and humility the transformation of a woman becoming a mother, whether it be for the first time or the umpteenth time. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. It is as though the Universe was waiting for the most perfect birth for me to attend.
I am so humbled. So elated. So honored and blessed that I was there to help this woman and family. I am grateful. I am beside myself. I am proud of myself for getting this far. The journey has certainly been wrought with challenges and steep learning curves but all of it has been well worth it. I was thinking this morning as I drove home from the clinic how birth triggers so much in us. Many of us experience emotions, be it negative, positive or ambivalent, when confronted with birth and death. I understood in that moment this morning, holding a baby wet with amniotic fluid in my hands, that my own journey to heal myself and make peace with my birth, death and rebirth, was necessary so I could be fully present and channel wisdom into my hands.
My greatest teachers are the women who allow me to assist them in birthing their children. They hold all the lessons and knowledge in their bodies. To be a witness has profoundly changed my life and I will never be the same again. Bless these hands. May they be golden and strong enough to support this miraculous occurrence.